come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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