Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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