Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Michael Bay diarrhea
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
