i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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