So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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