your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
