no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
