pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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