fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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