I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
