No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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