Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
