I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
