I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
