We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
