i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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