I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
