I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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