You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Semen is not good for contacts.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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