i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
