Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
