Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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