either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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