I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
