so let's talk penis.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
