In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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