So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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