Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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