ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Too much gin, very little bucket
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
so much tequila, so little girl.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize