My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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