Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
