i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize