drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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