is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
