i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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