I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
