is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
