Why are handjobs necessary in class?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
