it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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