I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
