she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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