i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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