okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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