is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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