Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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