Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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