1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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