Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
