just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
