Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
