where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
