mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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