make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
