i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
