Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
