You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
