UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
