these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
