By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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