I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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