We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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