Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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