Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
