Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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