I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
