I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
