dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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