Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
