I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
